ALL SOULS FAMILY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY
by Forrest Church
December 19, 2004
You know what it means to come in out of the cold? You are a spy. Part your life is a secret life. You are at least a little ashamed of this. Even your spouse or your lover, your best friend, your children don't know everything you do in private, and certainly not everything you think.
Be honest. Isn't it true that you keep at least some small yet significant part of your life secret from everyone, even from those who love you the most?
It probably isn't even possible to be human and not keep at least one or two secrets. Even the children here already have a secret or two that they keep from their parents. Often for very good reason. But sometimes, also, for very bad reasons. Most of our secrets hurt us more than they hurt those we are hiding them from.
The weather has finally turned. It is getting colder now. We brace ourselves before going outdoors. I still sometimes forget to wear an overcoat. My doorman upbraids me, but then it is too late. And so I suffer. I don't suffer for long. My commute is exactly one block. Even I am man enough to endure two minutes of punishment for foolish behavior. But am I man enough to endure more than that? Sometimes I am. When I confess a secret to someone who will forgive me, not an earth-shattering secret„however seriously we may take ourselves, few of us have anything quite that momentous to confess„but nonetheless an embarrassing, often character diminishing, ego saturated secret„almost always I'm forgiven. I come out of the cold, only to discover the world is surprisingly warm.
In winter, wearing overcoats is fully appropriate. Wearing protective armor is not. It almost never is. On open heart, an open life, is vulnerable. But protecting ourselves sometimes makes us even more vulnerable. We have to put on more armor. Finally we can't bear its weight. When we are bent over by our own protective covering, it may well be high time to conduct a moral inventory and then muster the courage to fess up for whatever it may be that is weighing so heavy on our soul. Take it as a sign of the season. A message from on high. An invitation to come in out of the cold. .
At Christmas we ponder the wonder, mystery, and promise of birth, not only the birth of the baby Jesus, but our own wonderous, mysterious, and promising births as well. We are not born good as many liberal theologians claim. Nor, as the Calvinists and fundamentalist claim, are we born evil. We are born -- if not completely fettered by circumstance ® free: free to grow, free to change, free to give and by so giving to receive, not the gift not of life, which comes without our asking, but the gift of a more meaningful and fulfilling life. We are born, in a sense, to be born anew whenever new birth is called for in our lives.
Right now we are buying gifts for our loved ones. This is just fine. Christmas and Hanukkah gifts are good, they are just not good enough. The only truly good gift we can give one another is ourself. Not wrapped, but unwrapped. No fancy ribbons and bows, just us, as we are and as we want ourselves to be.
Please don't leave this service and go out and tell you loved ones something about yourself that will destroy their holidays. That's not what I'm asking. Even John LeCarre's spies come out of the cold just a little at a time. But when you tell them that you love them, do try to prove it in a more meaningful way than by a gift, even than a thoughtful gift. During Christmas tide or Hanukkah, invest a little imagination in your most important gifts. Pick up the phone and surprise an long estranged friend with an apology for whatever drove you apart in the first place. Or set a meaningful date with a loved one, and then open your heart. Dare to be your loved one's secret Santa.
By the way, some of the most important things we tend to hold secret, we should be absolutely unafraid to share. I speak here of love left unspoken. Telling our children how much we love them, no matter how they may doing in school. Telling our friends that they enrich our lives in so many wondrous ways. Telling our parents or spouses that we could not imagine life without the gift of their love. These are secrets too many of us keep.
Why? I don't really know why. Maybe we are embarrassed to share them. Maybe we want to appear self-sufficient and strong. Maybe we think of ourselves, in a deep and often unselfconscious sense as unworthy, even unworthy of our loved ones' love. The problem is, when we don't offer our love in answer to their need for love, this prophecy is self-fulfilling.
It's going to get colder over the next few weeks. That couldn't matter less. What matters rests in our hearts. To come out of the cold, open your heart.
Let me practice for you. To my children, Frank and Nina, Jacob and Nathan, you have each disappointed me at times and worried me at times, even as you„I too, in fact„disappoint and worry yourselves. I have sometimes been a neglectful or wrong-headed father. I confess this, and regret it. But I love you unconditionally. You are here on earth by your parents' invitation, not your own. You are a gift to us and to the world. I rejoice in it. You are my favorite Christmas presents.
And to my wife, Carolyn, who came out of the cold a long, long time ago, I learn from you every day. Sometimes I don't learn as much as I should. But you always forgive me when I don't. I am so proud of you, so grateful for you. You are my Christmas angel.
And to my friends: how often you save me from myself. You also give me great joy. They say love is never having to say you're sorry. That is not exactly true. In my experience, love„at least romantic love„is having to say you're sorry over and over again. It's friendship that is never having to say you're sorry.
And to you, my congregation. Going on three decades now we have been together. That is really quite amazing. You will never know what a gift you are, not only to me but to one another as well. We go through life together and through death together. We fail and recover together. We make a difference in this great big world, which is more than any one of us could do without each other's help. We sing together, cry together and work together. We make ourselves and one another better people. More than we give ourselves credit for, together in church, we come out of the cold.
You surprise me every day with your courage and, against all odds, remarkably good cheer. By building this little village of faith within it, you help make this, the most amazing of all cities, actually work. It's not perfect. Of course, it's not. But we're not perfect either. And that's okay. It's one of the reasons, we keep secrets. And one of the reasons we need to forgive one another every now and then..
You get the idea. Adapt the script. Mine is a template, easy to adapt to your own life and loves. Give thanks for your loved ones. Give thanks for the chair and the light and the mouse. Play "Goodnight Moon" with your life. Say "Hello" and "I love you" to everything in the room.
As for your secrets, one final thought. Is there is something you are doing, something you hate about yourself that you could never really confess. I have a simple suggestion. Stop. Simply stop. Give yourself a present for the holidays. It will make you less fearful, less armored, in fact, more presentable to your loved ones and the world. Any secret you cannot share is worth getting rid of. That's the litmus test. If you cannot fess up to it, stop doing it. However difficult, it's that simple. Stop cheating. Stop drinking. Stop drugging. Stop lying. Whatever it would kill you for others to know about you is killing you already, and also, in a thousand little ways also probably killing them. Secrets like these make new birth impossible.
You will still have other secrets, of course. But that's okay. God has more secrets than any one of us does, more secrets by a long shot. So, apart from any secret you could never tell and therefore must find a way to eliminate, show a little Christmas spirit. Forgive yourselves your own little secrets. And others theirs. And then go out this holiday season and love one another to a faretheewell.
It's still going to be cold out there, so, when you go outdoors, don't forget your overcoat. That would be silly. But don't forget your heart either. To forget your heart would break the promise Christmas holds for each of us„new birth, new hope, and life more abundant. So open your heart. Open your heart and come in from out of the cold.
Amen. I love you. Merry Christmas. Happy Hannukah. And may God bless us all.